


Magnum Opus

by ADojo



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Amazing work, F/F, I'm so humble, Move over beethoven or however you spell your name there is a new author in town, truly a read for the ages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 13:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14166417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADojo/pseuds/ADojo
Summary: Lapis and Peridot have a lovers spat





	Magnum Opus

**Author's Note:**

> Hey I made this with the help of http://civvithecivilian.tumblr.com/ I really hope you all like it we worked hard on it.

                A summer day that it was with a breeze and shit. All of it was nice foi;eajfioe;jiofe;. Peridot and Lapis has been living together for a while and gotteted to notice strange things about eachother.

                Lapis Lazuli had a strange obsession with human movies and why people acted certain ways. She wanted to fit in at the very least, said the narrator. Together Lapis and Peridit sat on a couch down in the barn with a good hot one outside. Like lots of sunrays hitting the floor for that like awkward just barely too much heat to be annoying but like they’re gems and shit. Oh wait no they’re humans in this world because it’s an AdojoA™ fanfiction.

                “Peridot, I hate you,” Lapis dead panned as she ruffled her girlfriend’s hair. Clearly a joke as they sat there watching another “human” show.

                “Lapis if that really is true then I guess we can’t fuse anymore.” Pearadot responded with a small snicker held behind her words. She knew Lapis wanted all of the fucc. Lapis wouldn’t have it though, she felt her heart drop at the sound of that.

                “Peributt you know I’m emotionally unstable since I’m a badly written character.” Lapis admitted while the fandom didn’t understand her.

                “Huh… Don’t forget abusive, that’s why I cheat on you with Amethyst like every other day. Her dick’s bigger, too.” Peridot shrugged off the last part but Lapis’ pride had been shattered like a gem or some other metaphor… come up with one yourself and insert here (                                    ).

                “What… No way… but like…” Taking steps towards Perradot her hand slowly lowered out of the air and clipped through the floor, the animation really has gone down since season 1.

                “Lapis I just can’t remember a time when I’ve actually loved you.”

                “That’s fucked up man.” Ronaldo said in the distance sensing the betrayal he felt long ago and then it pans back to Lapis and Peridot who have no idea of the words said miles away.

                “Just kidding Lapis. I was acting do you like my new improv?” Peridot questioned shooting her arms out in a large display.

                “I… Just feel like I can’t tell if you’re telling the truth anymore. Last night I walked into you shouting how much you hated me again and you just called it improv.” Lapis admitted turning away slightly and lowering her head.

                “Lapis you know, _there is noo wayyyy I could ever dislike you.”_ Peridot let her voice be drenched in extra improv juice ™.

                “You know… if you’re going to keep acting like this I think there is only one answer…” Lapis began to stand and walk towards the door.

                “And that’d be what, Lazuli?” Peridot questioned raising herself as well.

                “Just like in all of Adojo’s fics part way through I’m leaving you for Pearl now.” With that Pearl walked into the room like some perfectly timed plot device.

                “Ah… What happened? Why am I here?” Pearl questioned as she frantically looked around. “One moment I was folding laundry and… Hi Peridot. Hi Lapis…”

                “Oh don’t worry about it, it was just the narrator, they’re setting us up.” Lapis said wistfully looking into the sky that was the ceiling but still the sky like how in a cool anime opening it pans up and like shifts over ya know, that good shit.

                “LAzULi THAT’S NOT FAIR!” Perigoth whispered, I swear. “I get Amethyst then!” Peridot demanded and the door opened with a confused purple girl.

                “WHAT THE HE- oh hi Pearl.”

                “Hello Amethyst.” Pearl looked at her friend standing in the doorway with her.

                “So how the hell did I get here?” Amethyst questioned raising her hands as if to expect rainfall.

                “You know I’m really not that sure. But like I’m oddly attracted to Lapis and want to get her life back in order since like you know, she is quite useless by herself.” Pearl said starting to walk towards Lapis while Amethyst continued waiting in the doorway.

                “Why the hell am I here then?”

                “For me, Amethyst!” Peridot screeched out fumbling off the couch onto all four tumbling up to Amethyst, not unlike a dysfunctional Beyblade ™.

                “I want you to save me from my Stale Life™.” Peridot crowed out with their hands all grasped together. “Is that enough product placement, Narrator?” Only if you drink a cool refreshing Pepsi™ to wash down the taste of selling out.

                “Who are you talking to?” Armrest questioned, staring quizzically up at the ceiling/sky.

                “Just an old friend… They’re…gone now” Peridot also looked up (the direction of dramatic pauses) and paused. For Ten minutes.

                Angst? Check.

                “Oh uh real sorry about that do you want to like, get out of here and fucc on some trash in my room?”

                Lapis enters stage left

                Lapis: PERIDOOT WILL ONLY GIVE YOU THE SUCC IF YOU VORE HER

                “This is getting too weird for me…”

                Amethyst Exit stage right

                Peridot glanced around, and saw it was just her and Lapis remaining in the barn/anime intro. “Wait, where’s Pearl?”

                “Oh she said something about having laundry to fold and left when you dramatically paused for ten minutes…” Lapis pretended to be disinterested as she casually stared at the PeriTiddies™ “By the way… did you even blink that whole time? That was kind of weird…”

                And once again they were left alone to argue like an old married couple, dim stage lights, scene end.

~The End~

                Or… MAYBE NOT??? Dun dun dunnn

**Author's Note:**

> So trying my hand at a little bit of comedy for april fools hope you all had fun


End file.
